If I Could Turn Back Time… 25 years, to be exact.
It's September!
Between the title of this blog and the mention of September in its first line, I hope I’ve inspired a mini Cher and/or Earth Wind and Fire dance party. ;)
I don’t know if it’s some conditioned sense of obligation, or if I’m genuinely a nostalgic person, but I always find myself reflecting at the beginning of a new month. Assessing progress, setting goals, and wondering how I’d do things differently in the past month if given the chance.
It’s the first week of September - which means my kids are going BACK TO SCHOOL!
*cue internal Earth Wind and Fire dance party round two*
Back to school for most parents is met with a sense of guilty euphoria. Unloading the little ones into the arms of Canadian educators has become a beloved tradition in the Wilbrink household. But this year feels kind of different.
My only girl starts grade 11 this week, and today, I was hit with a sentimental tsunami.
I remember being her age, and as cliche as this sounds, thinking I knew absolutely EVERYTHING about, well…everything. But it’s a whole new world out there since my high school journey concluded (there’s another song for you to get stuck in your head), and I’ve been ruminating on how best to help her through these last, most challenging couple years of teenage hood.
I don’t believe in living with regret. All I know, is my high school ship would have sailed a lot more smoothly if I’d learned these lessons a little sooner. And if I’d avoided perms altogether. Yeah, that would have helped too.
Don’t Be A People Pleaser
Trust your gut, communicate your needs, and discover your values. Set boundaries, and uphold them. I know it’s tempting, especially for young women, to strive to appease the masses. Honestly, it’s something I STILL struggle with all the time. Stay tuned for a whole post about this coming soon when I have time to gather my thoughts.
It’s admirable to want to help people. But pleasing everyone is straight up impossible. If you could, I’d have had a WAY easier time back in my waitressing days. I’m talking to you, Mr. “Sparkling Water But Not Too Many Bubbles.”
Determine your boundaries. Look out for yourself. Be brave.
Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy
Comparison is addictive. I remember growing up, reading Teen Vogue, and furiously trying to recreate the bold eyeshadow looks on the cover with all of the aptitude, grace, and determination of an aspiring Crayola ambassador. ALL I wanted to do was look like Cindy Crawford.
But Teen Vogue has absolutely nothing on Instagram or TikTok today. It’s wild. I honestly don’t know how these girls do it. And I don’t have the solution to filters, to highlights, to a universe of meticulously posed, sculpted and edited female bodies, now deemed to be the “standard” for young women. If I tried to film a TikTok dance at Brooklyn’s age, I’d have likely done a hundred takes, and still felt inadequate. And have likely I’d have rolled my ankle once or twice. Seriously, those dances are elaborate!
I’ve just had to adapt this as one of my mantras. Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. If you say it three times, a woman somewhere accepts her stretch marks.
Fall In Love With Yourself First
’Til death do you part.
It’s so easy to chase companionship for companionships’ sake. But there’s nothing more bad ass than discovering your independence. Relying on external validation is exhausting. Co-dependency is limiting. Take up space. Embrace your own hobbies, your unconventional taste in music, and learn to enjoy solitude. Get involved in your community. Join clubs or groups that your friends are NOT a part of. Be brave enough to do things on your own. I know, it’s easier said than done. Relationships come and go, but you’re stuck with you forever.
Might as well be absolutely enamoured!
Chase Experiences
And be decisive about it.
I dare you to get yourself out of your comfort zone. After all, that’s where the magic happens. But there’s more to it than that. You’ve GOT to be decisive about it; because if you’re not, it’s way too easy to back out. Audition for the school play. Try out for the decathlon. Join a sports team. Apply to that University across the country (except you, Brooklyn, don’t you dare leave). Chase the frickin’ experiences! I promise you, you’ll be so glad you did. That’s how I live my life today, and my GOSH I wish I’d started doing it even sooner. If its a habit you’re able to develop as early on as high school, your life is going to be one hell of a ride!
Own Up To Your Actions
Circumstance is circumstance, and a lot of the time, things aren’t necessarily your fault. In the spirit of girl power, I firmly believe in not throwing anyone under the bus. Regardless of fault, your situation is your responsibility to handle. Placing blame when confronted is an option, but it’s an unproductive one. When you come to terms with the idea that YOU are the only one responsible for your life, you’ll discover a sense of peace and joy. But mostly, you’ll discover how powerful you really are.
Like, Cindy freakin’ Crawford level powerful.
If I could turn back time, I don’t think I would. It’s learning these lessons slowly along my own personal development journey that’s shaped me into the weird, wild, wonderfully whacky woman I am. Even though I’m kind of freaking out that my little girl is growing up, one of the GREATEST joys of parenting is watching your kiddos learn their own lessons.
And in 25 years, she’ll have her own bits of wisdom too.
Happy back to school season, everyone!
*Turns on Cher and cracks open a Guinness*
